July 12, 2010 was the day I went under the knife to change my life forever. I remember I was excited and nervous, but most of all I was READY! All my life I have been bigger then most, but I have always been able to carry my weight. Sadly after high school and moving away for college the "Freshman 15" turned in to Freshman 90...
My grandmother and I have always had a unique relationship and the main focus of that relationship has been my weight. Now I know she loves me but her methods for "dealing" with my weight have not always been the kindest way. I cant tell you the nights she would make me cry over my weight. Most people are bullied at school, for me it has been from her. I discovered that I would eat more to make her angry or to deal with her. Food is something of a comfort for me. It is always there when no one else is, food cant talk back or judge you. Food is just there to fill a void, but soon that void turns in to a black hole and no amount of food can fill it. So when I hit my all time high of 252, my grandmother agreed to pay for the surgery. Dr. Williams came highly recommended and I liked him the first time we met.
So I went under almost a year ago and the first 4 months went great! weight was falling off like butter. Starting in December I started cutting corners and the weight lose came to a halt. I am starting to lie to my grandmother and myself about my weight and finding reasons why it is ok to eat that cookie. Therefore, I am starting this blog in hopes to get back on track with the Lap Band style of life. It is a hard thing to look in a mirror and know that you are lieing to yourself EVERY DAY. Sometimes I see the super skinny girls at the pool and think even with this surgery I will never have a flat tummy. I really want to lose this weight and be able to go to the pool and not feel disgusting.
I have 18 days till graduation and I would love to be at 197. I am drinking so much water everyday and truly watching what I am eating. I have been working out every day really hard. I just hope it works.
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