Starting from the top

Well I am just so angry at my self I feel as if I have let the lapband surgery fail. its been over a year and I have still not broke sub 2. I have no one to blame but myself. Yesterday I found my diet guide for the first seven weeks after surgery. I went to the store yesterday and bought all the stuff for week 1 and I am going to start over from the beginning. Take it one week at a time, take it slow, and just remember why I had this surgery.

Things I must improve on:
-Eating slow 
-Not drinking while eating
-Waiting 30 min after a meal before having drink
-GET ON A SCHEDULE***

So like I said I am treating this as the first day out from surgery so I am going to put my stats up and keep track from that. My goal is 25 pounds in three months.

Weight Day 1:  220

Wish me luck!

Back on track

Its been way to long! lots to catch up on on. Its officially been one year since my lapband surgery. Again not really where I want to be but I feel I have achieved alot in one year. Went to the doctors a few weeks ago and he gave me another half cc. I think that puts me at 8 ccs. I am really liking it. I think I have hit my sweet spot. I am trying very hard to get back on track. My boyfriend and I have been working out alot together and I love that.

I am also noticing that I am consuming alot less in a day and staying full longer.  This is something that I find to be well oddly enough, hard to deal with. For a long time now I normally always have something in my hand to snack on, or am always planning the next meal. Now I am not hungry and it is great but odd. I guess it is kinda the same as when a smoker quits, they dont know what to do with their hands...Out of habit I want to put something in my mouth but my brain and belly are telling me I dont need to.

I got my iPod fixed so I can start tracking again and I am looking forward to that. It really does seem to help to see that maybe you dont need that 170 calorie cakepop from Starbucks. HAHA!!
Weigh in is Wednesday. I have an idea of where I would like to be so figures crossed I am!!

Night all and stay strong on this process
Shauna

The process

Well I would say that all and all this was a good week! I didnt work out as much as I would have liked but the 3 days I did work out I pushed myself to the limits. I am starting to see that I am eating less and getting full sooner. The problem I face is that my mind and eyes dont match my stomach. I am use to ordering much more food and eating it all. This is something that will continue to be a learning process. I feel that this is something that all lap-band people probably go through. For so long we are use to our eating habits and the one day POOF! We have to change them. Some days I do good and other days like today I find myself eating just to be eating. I think that many times people from the outside and even patients of the surgery think that once you have the band it automatically fixing the craves and the addiction. Sadly it does not. The late night craves, and daily snack cravings are still there.  It is up to you and your will power to fix your problems and deal with the addiction to food. I went in to this surgery thinking that it would fix all my problems and am slowly coming to realize that this is nothing more than a tool. If I want the changes I have to work on them, and overcome my dependence on food.

** On a positive note, went to Old Navy the other day and was able to get in to a size 14!! I didnt buy anything though because I am not fully comfortable in a 14 yet but I am sure another 10 pounds and  I will be!! I weigh in tomorrow....Fingers Crossed!!

A New Approach

July 12, 2010 was the day I went under the knife to change my life forever. I remember I was excited and nervous, but most of all I was READY! All my life I have been bigger then most, but I have always been able to carry my weight. Sadly after high school and moving away for college the "Freshman 15" turned in to Freshman 90...
My grandmother and I have always had a unique relationship and the main focus of that relationship has been my weight. Now I know she loves me but her methods for "dealing" with my weight have not always been the kindest way. I cant tell you the nights she would make me cry over my weight. Most people are bullied at school, for me it has been from her. I discovered that I would eat more to make her angry or to deal with her. Food is something of a comfort for me. It is always there when no one else is, food cant talk back or judge you. Food is just there to fill a void, but soon that void turns in to a black hole and no amount of food can fill it. So when I hit my all time high of 252, my grandmother agreed to pay for the surgery. Dr. Williams came highly recommended and I liked him the first time we met.
So I went under almost a year ago and the first 4 months went great! weight was falling off like butter. Starting in December I started cutting corners and the weight lose came to a halt. I am starting to lie to my grandmother and myself about my weight and finding reasons why it is ok to eat that cookie. Therefore, I am starting this blog in hopes to get back on track with the Lap Band style of life. It is a hard thing to look in a mirror and know that you are lieing to yourself EVERY DAY. Sometimes I see the super skinny girls at the pool and think even with this surgery I will never have a flat tummy. I really want to lose this weight and be able to go to the pool and not feel disgusting. 
I have 18 days till graduation and I would love to be at 197. I am drinking so much water everyday and truly watching what I am eating. I have been working out every day really hard. I just hope it works.